 |
It
must be the "Fourth ofJuly, or maybe its Flag Day!! It doesn't matter because
you've stumbled onto St. Theodore's Basilica Gel's
PATRIOT
SPECIAL
(note: this has nothing, or at least very little, to do with the missiles of the same name) |
Nothing says "I Am a Patriot"
quite like
Computer Problems? We can help!!
St. Theodore's Basilica Gel (STBG) is a revolutionary new product that solves all your computer problems. Hard Drive acting up? Squirt a little STBG in your hard drive and you'll never have another problem with it again.* Monitor losing it's resolution? Spread a little STBG on the screen!# Fixes all your "windows problems" automatically (particularly stained Glass windows). Tests are underway to study its effectiveness in curing baldness in men and unwanted facial hair in women% (This is revolutionary). We have recently developed a new product: St. Theodore's Basilica Gel Capsules which may be the cure for the common cold!+ Stay tuned for more information!!!!
Love Problems?
We can help those too!
St. Theodore's
Basilica Gel now comes in a bright Green aerosol can that extends the usage
of our special formula. In this new form, STBG can be used:
A) As a powerful
Air Freshener. The pervasive but oh so familiar scent that you've
come to love as you sit in front of your computer for hours...the remnant
scent of our miracle computer repair formula that probably still lingers
in your nostrils months after using the product....yes you can fill your
whole home or office with this extraordinary scent. Take it every
where you go.
B) As a powerful
love potion. Very few have been able to resist the powerful effects
of St. Theodore's Basilica Gel. When confronted by the scent, members
of the opposite sex seem to lose all sense of judgement and good taste.
They are so anxious to leave, that they will go with anyone. If you
see a couple walking down the street and wonder how such a beautiful woman
would be going with such a funny looking dude...you can bet he's discovered
St. Theodore's Basilica Gel...now in an aerosal can.
For a Limited Time:
Buy 2 cans
for the price of one (35.99) and we'll throw in a whole box of our special
Christmas Holiday flavors -- you may remember them:
(in fact you're
probably trying to forget them, we are!)
Peppermint
Flavored St. Theodore's Basilica Gel
Fruitcake
Flavored St. Theodore's Basilica Gel
Lutefisk Flavored
St. Theodore's Basilica Gel (Great gift for all your Norwegian friends,
even has the authentic Lutefisk aroma)
"mmm...mmm
good!"
Also: Did you realize that:
St. Theodore's
Basilica Gel will make your charcoal start easier and warm faster?
(even adds
that distinctive taste and aroma to all the food your grill)
STBG will make
your fireworks shoot higher and brighter?
(However,
please use extreme caution when lighting them)
STBG's potent
aroma will repel mosquitos and most insects?
It's the perfect gift for those Fourth of July Outings!
Fine print:
* of course, you may need to replace the hard drive after the use of our
product.
# Does not include Concentrated acid needed to take the gel off the screen
in order to see information again.
% Has been shown to be effective in tests with Lab rats and Armadillos,
further testing needed for humans.
+ But don't bet on it!
Warning: Repeated use of this product has been shown to have unusual side effects including (but not limited to): Alzheimers, Bad breath (when taken orally), foot odor, unusual skin coloring (generally green or purple), and a few that I seem to have forgotten...by the way who am I? Where am I? What am I doing here?
Any similarity to actual products or companies is completely unintentional. Jefferson and O'Brian take no responsibility for this page. It's all Wheezer's (I mean St. Theodore's) fault
Aye, you
won't be disappointed matey!
Order Before
Midnight Tonight!
P.M. Pete the Pirate is an unpaid spokesperson for Spiral Loop Labs. The rumor that he is or was a guinea pig in our testing department is uncomfirmed.