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New Rival Enters Market,
DOJ drops Anti-trust case against Microsoft
Spiral Loop Labs, Oct. 21, 1998
In a surprising move, the Department of Justice
drops their massive anti-trust lawsuit against Microsoft. What caused
this surprise move? A new competitor in the marketplace. Spiral
loop Labs, Inc., announced today that it is entering the Computer Software
Market in a big way. Spiral Loop Labs began in computer software
with the bestselling "Clapper for Windows" which allowed you to turn on
or turn off your computer with just a clap of the hands. It of course
improved the product in it's second release "Clapper for Windows 98".
They felt it was time to go all out and take on the software giant, Microsoft.
The nuts and bolts of Spiral Loop's marketing strategy is to create a rival
computer operating system similar to but even better than Windows 98.
They are calling the product "Screen Doors 99". "One of the weaknesses
of the Windows operating system is that it has so many bugs--there is always
some bug in the system...what better way to take care of bugs than a screen
door...that's where the idea came from" says chief software developer O'Brian.
"With a screen door, you can see out just about as good as a window...and
still keep out the bugs." This revolutionary new operating system
should be on the shelves soon. The Justice Department is so confident
of the success of the product that it has decided to drop the anti-trust
suit against Microsoft. Janet Reno reportedly said: "With a
company like Spiral Loop entering the operating system market....Microsoft
won't be a monopoly for long." |
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Three
Men were nearly sucked into a previously undiscovered VPOG (Vast Puddle
of Goo for those uninitiated in these matters) hiking in the Mountains
nearSalt Lake City Utah. Apparently the three men
heard what they could only describe as a "great sucking sound" that captivated
their interest. As they got closer to the edge of the mountain, they began
to be pulled by a nearly irresistable force. You can see the three men
holding on for dear life as the intensity of the vacuum force pulled them
over the edge. As the force grew even more intense, they were nearly pulled
off the mountainside and into the VPOG. Just before that happened however,
Tom Millard, uttered the oft heard words, "Trust Me" and then said "Hang
on guys, I'll take care of this" as he let go and was sucked with incredible
force toward the VPOG. "Moments later, the great sucking sound stopped..."
said Brandon, "... and we were able to pull ourselves back to safety."
When asked how he was able to stop the suction, Tom replied, "I noticed
that on the other side of the VPOG was a little man next a huge contraption
that looked like a giant Hoover Vacuum Cleaner. I figured that was the
source of the problem, as I got closer I noticed that he was wearing a
"Yoda Mask" and was mumbling something about "a great sucking sound" and
in the next breath "feel the power of the force"...but there was something
familiar about the voice.... a high squeaky voice with a Texas drawl. Thankfully
I had my George Foreman grill and all the ingredients to make my famous
"Metts" in my backpack. I quickly prepared the "Metts" and diverted the
man with the Yoda mask by asking him to try one. He had to take off the
mask to eat them, and my suspicions were confirmed, it was Ross Perot.
I then negotiated with him offering the "Mett recipe" if he would just
turn off the giant Hoover. He scratched his head, and thought about it...and
seeing the incredible potential of franchsing 'Tom's
Metts' nationwide and around the world, he agreed." When asked about
his perspective, Jefferson (the third man involved), said. "I don't know
about you guys...but I'll bet that there is some connection between Ross
Perot's "Great Sucking Sound" and the Man Behind the Curtain Conspiracy...it's
just a hunch."
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