The citizens of Walnut Grove Minnesota are all talking about the new business in town...Honest Bob's Used Cars.  After a distinguished career in the military, Bob Johnson decided to get closer to home and family by moving back to Walnut Grove.  When asked why he decided to open a Used Car dealership, Bob replied: "Well, I got the idea while I was digging through my closet one day and I found this red plaid suit.  It hit me then...Used Car Salesman...I could be a used Car salesman and I wouldn't even have to buy a new wardrobe." 

This week Honest Bob's Used Cars will be having their grand opening sale.  All prices will be slashed by 40% (after they've doubled the price of course).  Ludefisk, Lefse and Baked Beans will be served to the first 50 customers.  Melissa Gilbert will be on hand to personally read excerpts from "On the Banks of Plum Creek" as the six Fat Dutchman bring the best music Polka has to offer (and that's not saying much).  This will be the most excitement that Walnut Grove has seen since the Ingalls family moved to South Dakota.

Come to Honest Bob's where the slogan is:  "It's a pretty good deal every day ....Ya sure ya betcha....You sure could do worse."

Hoping to cure the Thursday Night blues following the loss of Seinfeld, Network Executives announced today that The Debbie Show would be a last minute addition to the Thursday Evening lineup.  What is the Debbie Show?  Who is this unknown comedic actress?  They say truth is stranger than fiction, and after watching this show, they may be saying "Truth is funnier than fiction".  Last Spring Debbie sat down and began to write up some of the strange and unusual incidents of her life.  Before she knew it, she had enough material for at least 5 or 6 seasons.  TV Critics call the show "Classic Humor, side splittingly funny....something like Monty Python meets the I Love Lucy Show."  The actress, Deb Vickerman (Syverson in a former life), will play herself in the lead role, an accident prone wife and mother of 4 energetic (sometimes scene-stealing) children.

In the first episode, Debbie loses her pants in a busy intersection and then later gets her hair caught in an electric mixer.

Commenting on how she came up with the script ideas, Debbie says, "Well, it really isn't very hard..funny things happened all the time in my family growing up...and the craziest things still happen to me.  All I had to do was write down what happened....couldn't have been easier".

Saturday Mornings will not be the same from now on.  Jefferson and O'Brian are becoming superheroes for the a new Saturday Morning cartoon.  Joe Ratingsmatter, the Vice President in charge of children's programming, explains, "What kids today need are a couple of superheroes...we grew up with Superman, Batman, Underdog, Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo...but where are those kind of heroes today in kids programming?"  Each week Jefferson and O'Brian take on another Children's TV Personality who has gone astray and bring them back, when possible to the good side..

In the first episode Jefferson and O'Brian will be taking on "Barney" the dinosaur.  Barney goes crazy after singing "I Love you, You love me" just one too many times...he begins to level the city of New York"....Jefferson and O'Brian arrive just in time to save the world of Children's programming and turn Barney back to the good side.  To give it a classic "Godzilla" flavor flavor, all voices were dubbed in later and are out of synch with the lips of the performers.

In the second episode, Jefferson and O'Brian teach the Teletubbies how to talk.  Then they explain to them how to say good-bye and really mean it. 

One thing is for sure, children's programming will never be the same.

Tired of years on the Rodeo circuit, Sandy A. Grimehandler, is touring the world on the back of a Texas Longhorn.  It's just another adventure in a life filled with excitement.  Over the years, Sandy has become quite a legend in the sports world:  stock car racing led to NASCAR which led to Monster Trucks....then there was a brief stint in the NFL where she was the first female Offensive Lineman..then she tried golf (too boring for her)...then bull-fighting and then Professional wrestling before finally settling in on the Rodeo Circuit.  But even the excitement she found there left her searching for more.  "I needed to try something that had never been done before" she thought, "Riding a Longhorn bareback around the world...I'll bet nobody's done that before."  There have been a few struggles so far, "Have you ever tried to to get a Longhorn to swim across the Atlantic Ocean?" she asked.  "That's quite a challenge.  We ended up having to fit both the Longhorn and me in scruba gear." "Then there was the time we were in Barcelona and got caught in a stampede of Bulls".  Her biggest disappointment so far?  "The Leaning Tower of Pisa:  I couldn't find a slice of Pizza anywhere...and I was hungry!"

Enquiring minds  want to know:  Are they clones or what?  A rumor started by the International Inquiry Newspaper is being investigated by scientists.  It has long been suspected that the resemblance between Jeff Syverson and Leland Flickinger could be the result of a human cloning experiment gone bad.  Dolly, the first cloned sheep is suing the International Inquiry Newspaper over the rumors: she insists that she is indeed the first successful cloning experiment and is apalled at the rumors of a cloning experiment decades before.  She is quoted as follows: "Baa Baa Baa Baaaaaa Baaa Humbug"  Dr. Doolittle (the original) translates Dolly's statement  this way: "even if they were part of a cloning experiement...it doesn't appear that it was very successful."  The results of DNA tests will not be available for sometime, the samples  were accidently sent to a Los Angeles Lab where they were mislabled and accidently filed and possibly contaminated by the bloody glove evidence from the OJ trial.  Dolly has reportedly hired Barry Scheck to represent her in court.  More details to follow.  Are they the first human clones or just a couple clowns? You be the Judge.

"I sure didn't think anything could top winnin' the hog callin' contest at the county fair...but this just might" said a beaming Kristen Mays after winning an opera competition in the small town of Toccoa Georgia.  Judges from the competition submitted a tape of her performance to the Metropolitan Opera and now she is the biggest thing to come along in the opera world since the Three Tenor concerts.  In fact,  PBS is negotiating with Mays to include Kristen with Pavorotti, Domingo and Carreras in a concert for next years fund drive.  The working title of the program is 'The Three Tenors and the Georgia Hog Caller Live'.  Some opera purists aren't quite convinced that she has a future in opera, but all critics are agreeing on one thing:  "She sure has volume!"

As Kenneth Starr broadened his investigation of the White House, he has called Jefferson and O'Brian to testify about the possible Man Behind the Curtain Conspiracy connection to the President and First Lady.  He had heard rumors of the conspiracy for some time, but only recently uncovered the investigative report of Jefferson and O'Brian that is well known to many of our regular readers.

Jefferson and O'Brian are seen above preparing their testimony for the Grand Jury.  They felt that a musical number, perhaps a ballad, would best tell the story of the Man Behind the Curtain Conspiracy and the VPOG surrounding the events. 

While it took Starr several weeks to track down the famed investigators due to their sudden departure, hi-jacking and world tour this past month, he did eventually find them after making a wrong turn near Albuquerque and ending up somewhere just outside of Timbucktoo.

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