Delores Syverson was confronted by officials today (see picture above) about her involvement in creating the infamous "Melissa Virus" that has been spread through email in recent days causing multitudes of problems.  She has confessed to being the creator of the bug...and has even hinted that she may have been the one who gave early computer programmers the idea for the Y2K bug.

Syverson tries to give the impression that she doesn't know enough about computer programming to create such nasty viruses, but the truth is that she has was right there with Bill Gates when he created the DOS and Windows operating systems...and was even right there when Al Gore created the Internet!

As the interviews continued she became more and more evasive....and began quoting Bill Clinton: "That depends on what the meaning of 'is' is" and then claimed that she "had been set up ...it was all part of a right wing conspiracy", she said.

It has been learned from unnamed sources that the bug actually came from a patient at the hospital where she works...and she was able to invent a way to inject the virus into her computer using a syringe and a printer cable and a needle from her sewing machine.

It's unknown what the punishment will be if she is in fact found guilty of these crimes, but Bill Gates is asking prosecutors to press for an unusual punishment...that she be forced to use her computer programming expertise to solve the remaining Y2K problems.  We'll keep you updated.
 

CAMPAIGN 2000 CENTRAL:
 

The exploratory committee of the Jefferson and O'Brian Campaign got started with their research last week.  Unsure of what an exploratory committee is supposed to do, they tried to do exploratory surgery on Jefferson and O'Brian.  Because strong objections were being raised by the candidates, they abandoned those plans and began to explore the United States.  They were doing fine at the exploration until they got on board a boat...and while they appear to be lost at sea, a message in a bottle has floated to shore with a message fromt he committee:

Treasurer Thurston Howell, III, began the story: "We got on board a tiny ship called the Minnow for a three hour cruise....a three hour cruise. I brought along all our campaign resources. We put Skipper in charge and made Gilligan the first mate."  Skipper went on to explain: "Suddenly the weather started getting rough...the tiny ship was tossed." The Professor continued: "If not for the courage of the fearless crew.... the minnow would be lost...the minnow would be lost" Mary Ann, also aboard the ship, explained: "The ships aground on the shore of this uncharted desert Isle...with Gilligan, the skipper too....the Millionaire and his wife...the Movie Star, the professor and Mary Ann (that's me)...here on Gilligans Isle....

It is hoped that the exploratory committee will soon be found...so Jefferson and OBrian can decide whether to run for the presidency under the Dew Party banner in the year 2000.

Pastor Brian has taken charge of the Illinois office of the Dew Party...which means we have only 49 states to go.  Sign up today!