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Jason Has Mad Moose Disease! |
Chicago,
April 7, 2001
Doctors confirmed that there is indeed
an outbreak of a new disease they are calling Mad Moose Disease.
It seems to be related to the more common Mad Cow Disease that has been
such a problem lately. However, Mad Moose Disease is easily transferable
to humans and the effects of the disease appear to be quite phenomenal.
The disease was first seen among the Moose
population at Yellowstone park. Park Rangers thought the strange
behavior (acting tipsy and drunk and falling on the ground all the time)
was caused by a practical joker who was giving alcoholic beverages to the
animals. But after close observation it was determined that the animals
were definitely sick. Initially it was thought that the disease would
not spread to humans. But today a human case was definitely confirmed.
Unnamed hospital sources tell us that
Jason Kor was determined to have the disease which causes him to raise
his hands up to his ears like antlers and beller like a moose. There
is also a loss of balance which makes it difficult to keep from falling.
In addition, humans that get the disease appear to get a silly expression
on their faces that looks something like this:
| This facial expression appears
to be permanent and there is no remedy expected in the near future.
Although tests are now being conducted using St.
Theodore's Basilica Gel in combination with Bertha's
Bakery Brand No Fail Fudge Frosting. Things look promising if
they can just get the frosting out of the can.
It is also felt that a week at Roy Syverson's
Hard Times Farms with a combination of |
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crisis management seminars and Roy's Tuba
playing could have some therapeutic effect that may lessen the severity
of the disease.
We wish you well, Jason and hope that
you will be better soon.
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