Princess Shawna Chows Down
on Spicy Pot Roast
|
Shawna Rocknich Crowned
Miss Pot Roast America |
West Virginia,
Jan. 4, 2001
| The first annual Miss Pot Roast
America pagaent was held this last weekend in Huntington, WV. Sponsored
by the American Beef Association and the Federation to Improve the image
of Pot Roast (The FTITIOPR), the pagaent's goal was to find a capable spokesperson
to bring a new image to the beef industry. After years and years
of seeing a decline of beef consumption especially among young women, it
was decided that it was time for a more glamorous image. |
Shawna Shows off her crown wherever she
goes.
|
"We wanted to show the world that you could
look good and eat beef too. You don't have to starve yourself or
become a vegeterian" said, Mr. Steak, the Newly elected chairman of the
FTITIOPR.
From the beginning
of the evening, the choice was obvious. Shawna seemed to have an
unusual ability to charm the judges. The other girls didn't have
a chance. One of the judges said, "I don't know what her special
charm is exactly. Is it that laugh that can be heard for miles? Is
it the way she flexes her biceps? I'm just not sure, but one thing I do
know is that the moment I saw her I had this irresisitable urge to give
her a good deal...and I wasn't even selling anything. If I were only a
plumber or something."
Another judge said,
"Well, I have to agree with all of that, but for me it was that spicy pot
roast recipe that she made during the cooking portion of the contest....
Now that was tasty! Of course, when she came out in the evening gown
portion dressed as a cow that settled it for me. I can't imagine
a better person to represent pot roast to hungry Americans."
Shawna had one major
slip during the evening and that was when she fell up the stairway during
the swimsuit contest. Still the judges were impressed: "I'd never
seen anyone do that before. It takes a special talent to fall up
a stairway. And the way she stood up really showed off her biceps."
She wowed the crowd
as she played her guitar and sang an original song that she dedicated to
her dog Jordan. She brought Jordan out and sang to Him and in a touching
moment, when she finished the song, she kissed her dog on the lips.
She seemed to struggle
a bit with the questions during the interview portion, when she was asked
to compare and contrast the effects of Oprah Winfrey and Monica Lewinsky
on American culture. After mumbling something like "bad news bears",
Shawna stunned the crowd with her blunt honesty: "Oprah Winfrey and Monica
Lewinsky? I have no idea who you are talking about. But my guess
is that they both need to eat more beef....especially pot roast."
It threw the judges for a moment, but when they saw how she had turned
this potential disaster into a promotional moment for their product, they
had all the evidence they needed. Shawna was the undisputed choice
for Miss Pot Roast America 2001.
Jefferson
and O'Brian Finally Concede The Election
Despite their best efforts at trying to
tamper with the ballots and steal the election, Jefferson and O'Brian have
finally decided to concede the election. Press Secretary Nick Stebner
said, "We were doing pretty good until the courts got involved...what with
our burning chads, bar-b-q'd chads and swallowed chads and all...but then
those supreme court judges had to take things into their own hands.
It's hard to tamper with ballots when they are locked up in a court house
someplace. Our inability to further tamper with ballots means that
we are left with no further recourse but to concede the election."
What's next for Jefferson and O'Brian? "Well, we haven't ruled out the
possibility of running again and taking the dew party message to the masses
for the next election...but first I think we are going to try to find our
exploratory committee...I think they are still lost.", said Jefferson.
"Don't rule us out for 2004..this is merely a bump in the road. We'll
be back next time!"
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