pastorjeff.com

NEWS

It's a Beautiful Day in My Neighborhood...Won't You Be My Neighbor?

All The News From Pastor Jeff's Neighborhood:

Jason Returns From Round the World Voyage Bearing Gifts

Jason shares gifts after his voyages around the world.

May 23, 1999, Walnut Grove, MN

6 months ago, Jason set out on an around the world voyage on a pirate ship. This was the fulfillment of a life-long dream. He bought an eye patch, a peg leg, and even borrowed an old baling hook from Roy Syverson at Hard Times Farms to be as much like his hero, Captain Hook, as he could be. He began with great anticipation, expecting swashbuckling sword fights, shooting cannons at other sailing vessels, stealing great sums of money and other pirate treasure and, of course, swabbing the poop deck. Unfortunately, he found himself on a crew with the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything led by Larry the Cucumber....it seems that there just isn't much of a market for pirates these days. Nonetheless, Jason convinced the crew that while they had never been to Boston in the fall, they might want to broaden their horizons just a bit... he suggested his life-long dream... to sail around the world on a pirate ship. In an unusual turn of events, the Precious Moments Pirate, the marketing representative for St. Theodore's Basilica Gel, showed up and helped resolve a dispute regarding whether one of the crew members looked like captain crunch... he agreed that he did. After that dispute was settled, the crew was ready to sail... Jason had his dream at last.

Just before leaving for the voyage, Jason informed Laurie that their wedding plans would have to be postponed until he returned. She seemed to understand, but then suddenly days after his leaving, she snapped...and another side of her personality came to the forefront. She had an irresistable desire to wear bunny ears...and to work at TJ MAXX Fridays. So she made the radical decision to quit her job, move back to South Dakota and work at TJ MAXX Fridays where she would become a hostess/waitress wearing bunny ears.

Days ago, Jason returned from his voyage, with a great big treasure chest which he believed to be filled with precious jewels and gold. He gathered the family together to present each member some of the treasure he had found. Imagine his surprise, when he found a treasure chest filled with Pumpkins. Yes, Pumpkins....well technically they were jack-o-lanterns, the faces were already cut out.

While the family was a big disappointed, at receiving Jack-o-lanterns instead of gold and jewels, they were all glad that Jason returned home safely with so many fascinating stories about Pirate-y things. He is currently in negotiations with St. Theodore's Basilica Press regarding an upcoming book detailing his stories.... Stay tuned for more.

Other Stories:

Grandpa Syverson's Skunk Stories

Y2K RUOK? THe Definitive Guide to the Y2k Problem released by St. Theodore's Basilica Press

Mrs. Parrot Head

CAUGHT!!! Creator of the "Melissa Bug" confesses-- may also be behind the Y2K Bug!

Exploratory Committee Lost and Found

Sara Lee announces "Bertha's Bakery: Cakes to Liven up Any Party"

Will They Run in 2000? Exploratory Committee announced today!

Jefferson and O'Brian Save The Day!

April's Household Hints Replaces The View; Threatens to dominate Daytime T.V.

Ellen Thoma wins Ms Rudolph Contest at Walnut Grove's Annual Reindeer Festival

Computer abducted by Aliens