Don McElwee demonstrates new "heart attack" therapy developed by his wife.

They're calling it "West Virginia C.P.R."-- a radical new therapy for patients having a heart attack.  Delores McElwee, a noted researcher and alternative therapy practitioner is at it again.  Her theory: if you are having chest pains, lift weights.  Lift them high and extend your arms.  Be sure to use enough weight.  The West Virginia Journal of Medicine is trying to do a clincal study of the new therapy for their upcoming issue, but are finding it difficult to find volunteers for the therapy.
 

McElwee first came on the scene a few years back with her alternative therapy for the common cold: Kissing a Cow (see the picture below of the first clincial trial). Somehow she manages to get her husband Don to be the "guinea pig" for her alternative therapy experiments.  Don said of the "Cow Kissing" experiment, "Delores thinks it helped my cold, but I don't think it did a thing.  In fact, I think I got worse.  I kept telling Delores, "I think I have Mad Cow's disease now."  In fact I think I did for a few days...but I got over it.  I'm tough after all my weightlifting experiences."  Delores continues to believe in the effectiveness of the cow kissing therapy, despite her husband's reluctance to admit it's effectiveness.

Dr. McElwee and her husband Don

"You just wait.  Someday everyone will be looking for a cow to kiss every time they get a sniffle or a cough.  You'll see.  I'm talking to the American Dairy Association about sponsoring a full study on this"

Does Kissing a Cow Cure the Common Cold? Don Seeks to Find Out!

For some time now Delores has been thinking about a new therapy for heart attack patients.  When Don came down with chest pains, she thought, "this is my opportunity to try out West Virginia C.P.R."  So she grabbed the weights gave them to Don and guided him through a strenuous  workout.  Then she called 911 and got him to the doctor.

Amazingly Don lived through the therapy and is doing fine. According to his doctor, Dr. Bleeker, he is well on the road to recovery. Could it be that Delores is actually on to something?  What will she come up with next? Stay tuned. We can hardly wait to find out.

(Amazingly, this story based partially on true events, but should not be considered sound medical practice or advice.)