In this perplexing world, we often need a mystery to keep
us engaged in life lest we plummet into a JW-Existential type of oblivion.
Which prompts the Question, "Why is the Devil Red?"....oops! the Dogs are
baying as I write this. Let's see, where was I...Bahamas? No....Skewering
Kielbasa for the Church festival? No, that was last year...Reviewing Computer
Viruses because my PC got one and I don't want
my Fax machine to catch it? No that's silly, they don't
even share the same desk. The question on the dias before us is "Who is
that Man Behind the Curtain?" The only logical conclusion (got a big jump
coming up here...) is that the man behind the curtain must be the caretaker
of the ultimate esoteric knowledge, originally developed by a secret cult
know as the "Ambiguous Dancers of the Highway" better known by their shorter
name made of the first letters of the first word followed by the last letters
of the last word - AmWay. Yes the Man Behind the Curtain, (also known as
the Ascended Level Master) is the one who holds the ultimate knowledge
of Multi Level Marketing, the same information that is found each time
someone peels away all the layers of an onion - ironically,
the results are the same for AmWay and peeling onions - tears and a really
bad smell you can't get off your hands.
Well, this is my first installment of my conclusions as to who the M.B.T.C. is, Lord only knows if there will be more.
O'Brian (who else?)
O'Brian:
Your insights bring new meaning to the classic tale in the Land of OZ! Yet some questions remain:
* Who are the ambiguous Dancers of the Highway? The munchkins? Dorothy and her friends? Those flying monkey things?
* Of which highway do we speak? The yellow brick Road or that reddish colored road that is seldom noticed in our tale?
* When Dorothy sees the "MAN WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL"(M.W.T.C.B.) (Clearly the Ascended Level Master before his ascension, still hawking AmWay Products, not having come into the Fuller knowledge) is he really only try to sell AmWay products?
* Where do the witches fit into the conspiracy? Do they secretly Dance ambiguously on the highway when no one is looking?
* Was there an amway product in the Tin Man's Oil Can?
Could it be that an Ambiguous Dancer poured some AmWay product on the Tin
Man that caused him to rust in the first place? Was it all just a
sales
gimmick?
* Did the Wizard's hands smell like onions?
* Was the black and white color at the beginning caused by storing the film in an AmWay Cleaning product? Was there an attempt by those who hold the ultimate knowledge of Multi Level Marketing to destroy the film for fear their secret would be revealed?
* Was it an AmWay product that caused the "Horse of a Different Color" to change colors?
* Was it an AmWay product that caused the Witch's face to turn green?
* Was it really a bucket of water that melted the witch? Or did someone put a powerful AmWay Cleaning Solution in the bucket?
* Was the Scarecrow's lack of Cerebrum due to an overdose
of poisonous AmWay Cleaning products applied by Ambiguous Dancers?
* Was the Lion's lack of courage due to bad experiences
with pushy AmWay Salesmen?
JUST SOME THOUGHTS....PLEASE TELL ME MORE!!!!
--JEFFERSON--
Jefferson:
I shall endeaver to answer some of the insightful queries
into this unfolding conspiracy. Please be patient for the responses as
much of the information is derived from subpoenaed files only recently
discovered in
the White House Reading Room. The story is that they
fell behind the toilet, and nobody ever cleans back there.
First, the Munchkins are considered to be innocent in
all of this. So are the flying monkeys for that matter. It seems that the
Munchkins are merely the result of a poor evolutional process from the
flying monkeys.
It is interesting that there is no explanation for the
fact that there are still flying monkeys, and that the Munchkins are restricted
to ground transportation, but since leading evolutionists don't have to
explain the galaxy size holes in their theories I will merely take a typical
Liberal Democrat response and say, "So What?"
Indeed the highway of which we speak is definately the Yellow Brick Road. The reddish colored road is the one for the Oblivious Existential Jehovah Witnesses. You will note that it goes absolutely nowhere. The significance of the Y.B.R. is that this part of the story was developed by Frank Zappa. Need I say More? (Don't Eat Yellow Bricks)
At this point the Ambiguous Dancers of the Highway remain ambiguous. Dorothy and her friends merely represent people trying to find their way out of a confusing land of pyramid marketing schemes. One interesting note, the M.W.T.C.B. is indeed the Ascended Level Master before his ascension, but he is not trying to sell any AmWay products, (nobody ever does) he is merely trying to get Dorothy to sign up in his downline.
The witches, interestingly enough, are secret ambiguous dancers of the highway. They can only dance in secret because they are shunned. They are shunned because they actually used AmWay cosmetics. Apparently, the good witches use Mary Kay, although not very well for they have huge bullseye dots of makeup on each cheek.
Here is a weird twist in the whole conspiracy. This just doesn't seem to fit, but the Tin Woodman did NOT have any AmWay products in his oil can. Seems it was Slick 50.
Something else that I can't explain is that the Wizard's hands do not smell of onions. According to the report, it was his feet. Go figure.
The variation of color filming mixed with black &
white filming is not the fault of any AmWay products. AmWay hasn't figured
out how to get film off of teeth, let alone process photographic philm.
Deep digging
into the records reveal that the variation in color to
black & white is a marketing trick designed to lure the veiwer into
thinking that network marketing is all rosy and that life without AmWay
is all dingy and gray.
You have hit the nail on the head. The variations of the
color of the horse, green hue of the witches face, the bucket of AmWay
Gentle Wash that dissolved the witch, the scarecrow's lack of gray matter
are all
related to AmWay products. Class action lawsuits are
pending.
The cowardly lion's lack of courage, however, was caused by the fact that he had signed up as an AmWay rep, but his downline would only go wide, not deep.
I hope this offers better insight into the conspiracy.
Be sure to respond with your comments.
O'Brian
O'Brian:
Sure glad to hear about the innocence of the munchkins
and Dorothy and her friends. Not sure about those flying monkeys
though. Could there still not be some connection as they work so
closely with the witch? Just a thought.
I wholeheartedly agree with your assessement that Dorothy
and her friends "merely represent people trying to find their way out of
a confusing land of pyramid marketing schemes." What a meaningful
and
touching story this has become for me! I too can
relate to running from the likes of these Ambiguous Dancers.
Not at all surprised about the witches or their make-up. Or about the class action lawsuit.
Here is what concerns me: The Slick 50 in the Tin
man's oil can. Is this a connection to "Slick Willy"? Is this
another of a long series of Whitewater scandals? Should Kenneth Starr
be brought in to investigate
this as well?
Also, do you think Janet Reno is an AMBIGUOUS DANCER OF THE HIGHWAY? She sure looks like she could be related to those Secret Dancers we have already discovered. She just needs a little more of that AmWay Makeup to strengthen the green shade a bit. Could this give some insight in her reluctance to investigate these matters? Or insight into the reason these files fell behind the toilet? Or insight to why she doesn't clean behind the toilet (She has others uses for her broom)?
Is Robert Reich one of the munchkins or one of the mutant Monkeys? Could this be the missing link?
Is Al Gore one of those talking trees? Is this why he so likes to hug them? Is there perhaps a Buddhist temple connection to all this? Is the Wizard's Castle perhaps a buddhist temple?
Still puzzled about the smell of onions on the feet of the wizard. Is he able to peel onions with his feet? Is he somehow related to the mutant monkeys?
I'm Sure Slick Willy fits in here somewhere, is he related to the mutant monkeys? Are all people from Arkansas, related to mutant monkeys? Is this where Darwin got the idea for evolution in the first place? Why is there a "Kansas" in "Arkansas"? There is something smelly here, and believe me, it smells of onions!!!
What was it that caused Dorothy and her friends to fall
asleep in the garden of flowers? Was Bill Clinton giving another
of his overly long speeches of half (or less) truths and propaganda?
When he puts people
to sleep in those speeches, does he secretly sneak in
AmWay propaganda? Just a thought!!!
Well, That's probably enough for now. I do think you need to check into the Slick Willy Connection!!!
---JEFFERSON----
O'BRIAN
As I await your reply to my thoughts implicating Slick Willie and the boys (what is Janet Reno anyway), I was thinking (Scary thought). Where is Hillary in all this? Is she:
A) one of the ambiguous dancers
B) one of the flying monkeys
C) One of the witches
D) The horse that changes colors
E) All of the Above.
Just another thing to ponder. Where something really stinks, can Hillary be far away? I think I smell onions!!!!
---Jefferson----
Jefferson,
Apologies that my research is slow right now. Just some thoughts, Slick Willie - Slick 50...who just turned 50? Seems like a connection to me. Hillary? All the above, plus a few we can't even mention.
O'Brian
I believe I sent you my thoughts on Slick 50..., Slick Willie..., who in the White House turned 50 recently..., you be the judge. Personally I think the substance in the Tinman's oil can may have looked like Slick 50, but with all those convicted drug dealers who have been staying in the White House Motel 6 recently, it must be the residue of the chemicals in the process of manufacturing illegal drugs. (which, by the way, one must be on illegal drugs to buy the story the Clintonistas have been spewing forth regarding the illegal fund raising.)
As to who Hillary really is; we know that there has to be some sort of relationship between Hillary and the East-West Sisters in our story, that is obvious. No doubt Hillary is one who has used AmWay makeup, thus becoming one of the witches. My guess is that she was the first, and has ascended to a higher level of witchery than the other two (or should I say one, since Dorothy did her house trick on the less fortunate of the witch sisters). Speaking of Dorothy, does the Schwarz family come into this at all? Ooh! I just had a vision of Russell Schwarz selling AmWay! Scary thought.
Very observant of you, about Janet Reno having another use for her broom! I think she also has a "women's work" issue with cleaning behind the toilet as well. Most witches do. What kind of name is Janet Reno anyway? Isn't that a city? Know anybody named Janet Las Vegas?
Al Gore, what a bore... He is so stiff I don't see how he could bend his arms to hug a tree in the first place. But what the heck...fits in good in our story.
Robert Reich, (Reich, isn't that the club Hitler was trying
to get going over in Germany a few years ago?) is secretly the Evil Munchkin
king. He says he is looking out for the little guy, (Hey, maybe I've got
something here!) but really, he is plotting his own takeover
of the Multi Level Marketing Universe.
I must be off now. I will let you know when I am back on the net and we can engage in the continuing saga of an administration that smells of onions and dog food processed by dogs.
O'Brian
O'BRIANVILLE:
I look forward to your further communication, after you
have been charmed by the yellow brick road! Man, I think we are really
on to something with this whole conspiracy thing! Look forward to
the next
chapter!
Just one thought: (that's all I am allowed in the morning)
Could Russell Schwarz, be the Doorman at the Wizard's castle? If
I remember correctly, the moustache looks Russell Schwarzian. But
what in the
world is he doing in this conspiracy. Perhaps Las
Reno is in Alaska?
Charmed, I'm sure
---JEFFERSONIAN--
Jefferson
Now I wonder if the abbreviation "AK" for Alaska, really means something more like, "AK 47". I wouldn't doubt the possibility of Russell Schwarz being involved in a militia type ministry.
Just a thought.
O'Brian
O'BRIAN:
Rumor has it that Russell Schwarz is known in Alaska as "REV. A.K. 47". Sources close to the Clintonistas and the Third Reich (HAIL MUNCHKIN KING!), have informed me that Russell Schwarz is indeed an Ascended Master of the AMWAY Multi-Marketing Variety. He has really gotten the attention of other Ascended Masters because of his unique approach. He has recruited several area militia groups to sell AMWAY products to the locals. He trains them in a "Boot Camp" and then sends them out with AK 47's and other heavy equipment to forcibly recruit others to the AMWAY Militia. He has really captured the market (including Igloo to Igloo sales). It seems that he has forcibly taken over all of Alaska! While no one seems to be buying a thing, every resident of Alaska is now a member of "REV AK 47"'s AMWAY MILITIA! He is now trying to discover ways to take these AMWAY Militia tactics dancing down the yellow brick road to other Western States (hoping to eventually even take over the Wizard's territory)! He has run out of ideas of ways to try to sell AMWAY Products to the Polar Bears (But believe me he has tried)!
It seems he went wrong when in a quest to perfect his preaching, he began to imitate Television Preachers. He had been working hard imitating Jimmy Swaggart, Benny Hinn, Robert Tilton, Robert Schuller and Kenneth and Gloria Copeland (really had to work on the falsetto for her). Then one day, having fallen asleep in his recliner from a hard day of watching and imitating television preachers, someone switched the channel from TBN to the DISCOVERY CHANNEL. When he awoke, there was an old WWII Documentary about Hitler. He thought he was still watching the preachers (after all they do speak in tongues sometimes) and began to imitate Hitler. After 2 hours of the Documentary (of 16) he dozed off again in his recliner. When he awoke, he was completely brainwashed by the ASCENDED MASTER OF ALL ASCENDED MASTERS. He immediately stocked up on AK 47's, tanks, explosives, and even sent off for plans for a build-it-at-home nuclear weapon from some crazy Muslim in Iraq. Having perfected his Hitler imitation, he quickly converted local militia members to his cause and the rest is history!
I'll try to keep you posted, when I find out more. But that's about all I could get out of my sources.
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
---JEFFERSON---
My Dear Jefferson,
I am glad to be able to report to you, finally, that I
have relocated to Kansas to study the Conspiracy more closely and I have
discovered an interesting development. As you know, (and pursuant to our
story) I ave
recently traveled to Kansas. When one travels to Kansas
it is important that they travel on the Yellow Brick Road. Well, deep in
the heart of Kansas, the Y.B.R. suddenly stops and there is this vast puddle
of goo, made from the oil of Aphrodite, and the dust of the Grand Wazoo
(Some say it will cure your asthma, too!) This substance is very sticky
and leaves an odor that is very repugnant. After much cleansing, I discovered
that the faint remaining odor was one of ONIONS! After looking around,
I thought
that the area was very familiar. Looked a lot like Mena,
Arkansas. Then I realized that the Dust of the Grand Wazoo was being secretly
flown in from Mexico in an illegal smuggling operation. Well, I think there
will be more developments to this skewed tangent of our story.
Warmest regards,
O'Brian
O'Brian:
Just thinking (dangerous thing):
Was the vast puddle of goo (V.P.O.G) along the Y.B.R. anywhere near a McDonalds? Could it be the remains of that vat of slime from which all McDonalds food is produced? Was Bill Clinton anywhere near that McDonalds at the time you noticed the V.P.O.G.? Who is "the grand Wazoo"(T.G.W.) and is he from Indonesia? A Bill Clinton supporter, perhaps? Is the oil of aphrodite used in the manufacture of Slick 50? Did Frank Zappa have information that could link the Clinton's to one of the current myriad of conspiracies (or one that is yet to be uncovered?) Is this the reason for his untimely dissappearance from this world? Were any files removed from his office? Is it true that Russ Schwarz is "moving to Montana soon" and is (and I quote): "Gonna be a dental floss tycoon"? Oh no...."perhaps he will take a ship arriving to late to save a drowning witch." Please give insight!
Jefferson
Jefferson,
I must apologize, I am not feeling all that creative right now. It is 8:00 pm and my pizza has yet to arrive. There has to be a new wave country song in there some where. Oops, there it is. Now I must slowly type with one hand. I hope you don't mind, I know you are a fast reader. Say, did you know that Wichita is world headquarters for Pizza Hut? I've gone to Mecca!
And now for your dining and dancing pleasure, the lovely
Led Zepplin Orchestra will do thirty renditions of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"
from around the world. I am going to run for now. I wanted to let
you know that I didn't fall into the vastness of cyberspace. There will
be more to come about the
VPOG & the YBR. Soon, but till then, always,
O'Brian
O'BRIAN:
Be very careful of getting so close to the VPOG on the
YBR. This might be the reason for your sluggishness and lack of creativity
(although your lack of creativity is more creative than most peoples best
creativity). Of course it could also have something
to do with the fact that you hadn't eaten Pizza yet.
Hearing about Mecca is making me hungry about now.
I suppose I should go home and eat supper one of these days! By the
way, I'm now typing without my hands, LOOK MOM, NO HANDS: 54k7yu6u76y787ioktg6u89it6gyu798opikyt54t5ytgyh776899p0908978787889900-0-90896765p-09089650-klkjl;k]
sfdiop[hdakl;asfml;'hsdoaseuip[bkn'asdgghsipasd[thjno[jei[kjp[sgaklfjl;asdgihhg;oihegoieoijgipj
(interpretation: it's pretty hard to use your elbows, not very accurate
so I'll go back to my hands for a while)!
Glad to hear you didn't fall into The vastness of cyberspace...
(TVOC) What is TVOC's relation to the YBR and the VPOG? I think
I may have fallen into it the last time I was in Kentucky (TVOC that is,
not VPOG or YBR of course, after all I wasn't any where near Saudi Arabia,
I mean Kansas (or wherever Mecca is). Oh, I think I just heard it,
the Muslim Call to prayer...yes, off in the distance a faint wail that
sounds a little bit like Led Zeppelin singing a new age
country version of Mary Had a Little Lamb or is it just a cat caught in
a blender? It's really hard to tell.
On a totally different wavelength:
"So, Let's Spin! Everybody let's spin! Come on
everybody let's spin! And we'll spin right up to heaven again...."
Thank you for joining me in that Swirling Eddies Tangent.
Good Day, eh?!
--Jeffersonian--
Jeffersonius Robertus,
Nice Roman ring to it, huh? Mind you, this is not a promise ring. I wish to thank you for bringing me back from the Brink of the Vastness of Cyberspace. By the way, have you met some of the people who live there? I thought I was weird.
I should warn you, there have been sightings of remnants
of the Vast Puddle of Goo in Kentucky too. (Now there's a song tittle for
you.) Folks should beware of the deterious nature of the VPOG... Upon further
reflection, remnants of the VPOG suggests that there was once a complete
VPOG in KY...
This could explain the inhabitants of KY!...(Not to mention
the disappearance of the Dinosaurs!... and polyester, for that matter)
Have you noticed a strong smell of "onions", on the citizens of KY?...
Have you noticed any of them exhibiting god-complexes?... Such as the MBTC?...
Have you heard whisperings amongst the citizenry such as "Pay no attention
to that man behind the curtain" or "Thems some pretty nice shoes, little
lady"... Is there an obsession with Frank Zappa toonage? No. wait a moment,
that can't be a problem. They'd come after us first. We must investigate
this possible development in KY. I ask you these questions as I only know
few people with Kentuckian experience. I, myself, merely stopped in long
enough to use the restroom.
Please reply at your earliest convenience,
Who else?
O'Brian
O'Brian:
Glad to see you stepping back from the brink of TVOC.
Now that you mention it, I believe that I too have seen remnants of the
VPOG in Kentucky. One is found at Big Bone Lick State Park (yes there
really is such a place) and another in the hills of Eastern Kentucky.
It seems that standing to close to one of the VPOG's gives an unusual desire
for intimacy with near relatives (hence the inbreeding between Bobby Sue
and John Boy, among many others). Kissin' cousins takes on a whole
new meaning when you get too close to the VPOG. It also seems to
bring a desire to collect junk and place it carefully on the front yard
(where it can be seen easily from the front porch with the creaky old rockin'
chairs). Used cars, wrecked cars actually, washing machines, old
tires, there are numerous ways to spice up the decor around your home when
you breathe the "onion-like" vapors of the VPOG. It seems that the
VPOG can
also cause the tongue to become heavy and speech becomes
much slower. Some words take on whole new syllables when the vapors
are inhaled regularly. I haven't heard anyone say: "Pay no attention
to the man behind the curtain" although my computer does it regularly now
that It is the sound I use when files open....but the other day one of
my secretaries (who has Kentucky ancestory) was heard to say: "Pay no
attention to the man behind the Pulpit." I guess
she had heard my computer a few too many times that day. Is there
a horse God? a Tobacco God? These are several god-complexes
I've seen... I have heard
numerous comments about shoes however, though not for
me personally. Speaking of shoes, do you suppose the Ruby Slippers came
from the closet of Mrs. Landman? (I seem to remember some like those)!
You mentioned stopping in Kentucky long enough to use
the restroom. I'm surprised you found one... You see here is another
interesting point, concerning the VPOG. It also brings a desire to
use an outhouse and to avoid indoor plumbing. Well... there are a
few random thoughts concerning the Kentucky Connection or for sake of initials
lets call it the Kentucky Fried Connection (KFC). Which leaves us
with the KFCTTMBTCOTYBRNTVPOGJBTVOC! (and I'm not even typing with my elbows)!
I
wonder if I now qualify for a job with the government.
After all, somebody's gotta come up with those stupid intial things!
Do you suppose Colonel Sanders is a long lost relative of The MBTC?
Just a thought!
Jeffersonius Robertus The One and Only Esquire
Jefferson,
I felt compelled to write even though I may be short on
subject matter, but we'll see what happens. I thought it important to tell
you of an advertisement that I have seen in the Wichita area. There are
billboards with Ruby Red Slippers depicted on them, with the question,
"What if Dorothy got Bunions?" It appears to be an ad for Kansas' version
of Blue Cross Blue Shield. (and that sounds like the name of the remnants
of the Jonestown folks who moved to Siberia. BCBS) but, back to Dorothy's
feet.
I did not notice anything in the way of onions on the
billboard, and of course it's bloody difficult to smell a billboard, especially
at 60 MPH. Alright I'm kidding, I never go below 75 MPH on these freeways
out here. And come to think of it, the picture was only of the R.R.S....no
feet in sight. I have a theory though. If you will recall, Dorothy and
her troup were nothing more than lost wanderers trying to see their way
through the vast wasteland of multi level marketing. Also, in the original
story, Dorothy's R.R.S. enabled her to fly home, thus not in need of the
contact with terra firma normally required by gravity. My theory is, that
the good witch of the North, Glenda the Mary Kay Beauty Consultant, (beauty,
eh?) knew of Dorothy's need for transversing the VPOG, and saw to it that
Dorothy had the tools necessary for doing just that. Glenda, furthermore,
did not tell Dorothy of the powers of the RRS, most likely because of union
rules put forth by the Lollipop Guild, regarding the dissemination of trade
secrets. Once again we see examples of unions messing things up.
O'Brian
O'Brian:
I am finally getting around to responding to you.
The billboards you mentioned are interesting, you mentioned that you did
not smell onions...that may be....but did you notice the similarity between
onion
and bunion (and I'm not speaking of John Bunyon).
Peculiar isn't it?
But the question is a good one, what would have happened if Dorothy got bunions? Would her feet have fit inside the famed ruby slippers? Would she have been able to walk, skip or dance down the YBR? Would she be more susceptible to the effects of the VPOG? Would she have been more likely to give in to the constant badgering of the AmWay distributors trying to sell a product that would take her bunions away? hmmmm....
I have been seriously pondering your thoughts concerning
the Lollypop Guild. Unions do have a way of messing things up don't
they? Have you also noticed the how close "Union" is to "Onion"...now
here's a
thought..."Union", "Onion" and "Bunion" What do
these words have in common? Is this connection important somehow
in solving the unsolved mysteries of our tale? Perhaps we could ask
Uncle Remus!
Jefferson
Jeffersonius Robertius:
I am concerned. We left our heros in the Vast Wasteland of Multi Level Marketing (V.W.M.L.M.) with no way out. Clearly I bear most of the blame as I am the one who had to go move to another state and thus suspend the unfolding of our tale. Let's see, we have Dorothy in the VWMLM with three incompetent side kicks, a flea bitten dog ravaged with poor skin health no doubt due to the use of AmWay pet care products, and a pair of MX-1000 Ruby Red Slippers, capable of transporting her out of the VWMLM if only she knew the secret of their operation, which was witheld from her due to union rules of the Lolli Pop Guild. Have I forgotten anything? I'm sure I have, but we have more than enough to start with in this session.
If I recall, the Tinman did not have Slick 50 in his oil
can thus he is not implicated with the goings on of our current Presidential
shenanigans of our own dear Slick Willy. In reality, it has been determined
by further research of the lost files found in the White House bathroom
(behind the toilet where nobody cleans) that in fact, the Tinman was acting
as an unsuspecting mule. It seems that TMBTC has an
evil twin brother. You will recall he showed up in the
film as the door man at the Emerald palace. Notice that he looks exactly
like TMBTC? (Except, of course, for that green marching band hat he wore)
Well the Evil Twin Brother (E.T.B.) stole the can while the Tinman was
getting polished and filled it with the Oil of Aphrodite. The plan was
that the Wicked Witch of the West (One of the Ambiguous Dancers of the
Highway, oh yes one interesting note here. You recall the Ambiguous Dancers
of the Highway used the First 2 letters of the first word and the last
2 letters of the last word to come up with AmWay? Well it seems that they
originally wanted to use the DA in dancers, but decided that AmDaWay sounded
too moronic) Oh yes the WWW was going to retrieve the Oil of Aphrodite
after she had dispensed with Dorothy and her friends, but as we know events
turned out differently.
Now things get a little vague here, but somehow a package of the Dust of the Grand Wazoo was placed in Dorothy's basket, and, many times she carried the oil can in her basket for the Tinman as a kind gesture. So now we have Dorothy in possession of both the Oil of Aphrodite AND the Dust of the Grand Wazoo. To the best of our ability we have determined that as Dorothy returned to KS, she had the autopilot engaged on her MX-1000 RRS, (a good idea too, since she didn't know how to use them except for that heel clicking ignition sequence) and they flew into the Wichita area using the Standard Terminal Arrival Route (STAR, a real term folks) into the Mid-Continent Airport. Dorothy was having a difficult time hanging onto her rancid dog, and inadvertnently dropped the basket before her arrival into KS. When the basket hit the ground, the containers burst open and the contents mixed thus forming the VPOG at the end of the YBR.
One last note, it seems that she inadvertently stepped on a one-celled hammond-organism...underneath her shoes.
Who Else?
Brianovfsky
Jefferson,
Had the opportunity to catch a little bit of Dr. Schuler on Sunday morn. Now there's a cat who is travelling the Yellow Brick Road Less Travelled. Pretty interesting how he can bring obvious non-christians on his show with the "purpose" of sharing Christ. Well I shouldn't pick on him too much, after all, he is trying to Positively Think his way into Heaven. Wouldn't want to derail his train of thought.
Must be off, you know the rest.
O'Brian
Bob Schuller: Could it be that underneath the makeup the scarecrow is actually Bob Schuller? (Begin chorus of :"If I only had a brain")
And another thing, isn't that robe he wears kind of like
the curtain that the MBTC is hiding behind? Do they have the same
designer? Could it be that Schuller learned his Church marketing
techniques from the
MBTC? Could it be that our dear man of the cloth
(made out of curtain material none the less) is actually a Ambiguous Dancer
of the Highway in sheeps clothing (no that can't be, it's not a wool curtain
he's wearing that would be entirely too hot for california, especially
with the sun intensifying its beams through massive crystal cathedral walls
of glass) Maybe he's an Ambiguous Dancer of the Highway in Polyester
clothing....Wouldn't he look good in bell bottoms and
a lime green leisure suit?
Do you suppose he and Rev. AK 47 Schwarz are planning a takeover of the VMMU (Vast Multi-marketing Universe)? What a combination that would be?
I have heard rumors that Homely Homer, Boney Biederman,
Smokey Olsen and Papa Platte were recently recruited by the Rev. AK 47
Schwarz for a Revival Crusade/VMMU Takeover Seminar. It seems they
were doing some tag team preaching/Recruiting/Brainwashing. Oh what
a time was had by all. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
(Oh, I had to hit the snooze
button there for a moment).
Now a word from our sponsor:
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Just thought I'd share.
Jefferson
Jefferson,
So good to commune with you in cyberspace once again.
Truly I believe the material in the Schuller Robes (SR) is indeed one in
the same as the material in the curtain referred to in TMBTC. So once again
we plunge into our investigative query. Could TMBTC be Dr. Schuller? (DS)
I sincerely doubt it. Most likely he is a a disciple of DS's or could be
the other way around. You see, DS has recently embarked on another of his
grandios building projects that he himself has stated will cost in the
range of 30-40 million $. Where is a man in his seventies going to get
such capital? Especially for something as ridiculous as a visitor center.
Of course, I can see the obvious need for this Visitor center. DS stated
that there are people coming from all around the world to see the crystal
palace, or cathedral, or ball or whatever.... so of course there must be
someplace for these multitudes thronging the gates to go when they come
during the week and church is not in service. By the way, what is all the
emphasis on CRYSTAL with this guy anyway? The last time I saw so much attention
to crystal, it involved New Age Gurus (NAG) chanting their mantras, channeling
used car salesmen from Jersey, and signing up people in their down-line.
I think I see a pattern developing here. First, we know that TMBTC is the
grand poo-bah of MLM. We have DS wearing robes made of the same material
as THE Curtain. DS is trying to raise enormous capital in an effort to
elevate himself to a higher level of existence in the universe of CRYSTAL.
And last but not
least, we have Crystal Hawking New Age Gurus acting like
a bunch of Plebes at an AmWay motivational meeting. Could there be a MBTC
/ DS / CRYSTAL / NAG connection? I don't know. Maybe I should just lay
off the Dew so Late at nite. You be the Judge.
As always
O'Brian
O'Brian!
What a deal! Send me a case! What kind of a deal could you get on a few of those Possibility Thinkers StudyBibles (Somehow that seems to be an Oxymoron rather on the variety of Jimmy Swaggart's greatest hits, after all does Possibility Thinking have anything to do with studying or the Bible? Do Thinking and Robert Schuller even belong in the same sentence? Similarly, Does Jimmy Swaggart have a hit? Should Jimmy Swaggart be hit (by a car perhaps,...but I digress)? Is there anything about Jimmy Swaggart that is "great"? I think you get the point.
Jefferson
O'Brian:
Like, how are ya, dewin', eh?
Just thought I'd let you know that I've returned from the Great White North to my little house (or apartment, actually) not anywhere near the prairie but a little too close to the VPOG of Kentucky.(Now wouldn't that be a catchy title for a series?)
I'm wondering if the heat and humidity that is so typical of this area down here has anything to do with the VPOGIK (Vast Puddle of Goo In Kentucky). I rather enjoyed being away from the goo and the WABVPOGIK (Weather affected by the VPOGIK).
More later.....
Jefferson
I see the remains of the VPOGIK is still in KY.
Good place for it. But I am somewhat concerned about the meterological
effects caused by the VPOGIK. In aviation weather, we study a phenomenon
known as "Lake Effect". It is the conditions caused by the fact that water
holds temperatures longer than terra firma, thus the fog on lakes, etc.
We will have to classify this as the "VPOG Effect", or VPOGE (Pronounced
VEE-Pogy). Now it is important to note that VPOGE does
not limit itself to meterological phenomenon, oh no. VPOGE, we have learned,
also affects human phenomenon, as pointed out by yourself in our discourse
concerning the "uniqueness" of Kentuckians. Sort of a Jeff Foxworthy "You
Might be a Redneck if" scenario.
One wonders though,,, how could the VPOG have remnants in KY when it consists of the Oil of Aphrodite, (from the Tinman's oilcan) and the Dust of the Grand Wazoo (smuggled into Arkansas during the Bill Clinton gubernatorial reign of flatulence)? Tis a mystery.
Well, I am goin for now,
Talk with you again,
O'Brian
Is there a "Gilligan's Island" connection to the MBTC Conspiracy? After all, don't you see the connections, a storm comes up and leaves the "Minnow" crew and passengers on a deserted island far, far from home. With no real way to return.
Is the "if I only had a brain" scarecrow, really Bob Denver a.k.a. Gilligan in disguise? But who would TMBC be? The professor perhaps?
I think we can all see the similarities between Mary Ann and Dorothy. If they aren't the same person, they have to be at least close relatives.
On another tangent: Could Bill Gates be Bob Denver/Gilligan/The
Scarecrow, only with a brain and an untamed desire to conquer the world?
Or perhaps he is the man behind the curtain: He seems to be
behind every other curtain (if there is money involved).
I'm a little confused, but I'm sure he's got to be in this conspiracy someplace.
Could it be that Microsoft is contemplating a massive
Multi-Level Marketing Scheme to increase their share of the profits in
the Computing world? To finally topple the competition?
Jeffersonian Robertus
O'Brian:
It just hit me....moments after having given up for the evening...thinking that the creative juices had completely dried up....it hit me.... there is another tangent for our twisted tale to pursue.
Let us consider the possibility that perhaps there is a "camelot" or as at the Rosedale mall "Camel lot" connection to all this.
Could it be that the "holy grail" that our fearless knights have been searching for (however unsuccessfully) has some connection to the secret held by the Man Behind the Curtain?
Could it be that the secret was transported either to or from TMBTC in a coconut by a swallow (whether african or european, though probably african)?
Is it possible that Dorothy was heard to whisper under her breath "Bring out your dead" after landing on the Wicked Witch with her house?
Is it possible that one of the ugly witches wasn't a witch
at all, but was only accused of being a witch and was given a fake nose?
Do you suppose she weighed the same as a Duck? If so, who did she
turn into a
newt? Did he get better?
Of course I'm not sure where the Killer Rabbit, the Holy Hand Grenade, THE SHRUBBERY or Tim fit into the story at all.... perhaps you can help me.
The person who wrote the previous e-mail has been sacked.
He has been replaced by a Llama!
I Believe I am being sucked in........to ......the.......V....P........O..........................G...................!
Jeffersonian
At this point we lost our connection...........................Perhaps
there will be more later!
Fine Print:
Any similarity between actual persons, companies, movies,
TV shows, political figures, and conspiracies is completely unintentional
I'm sure.